and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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