No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
