I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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