It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
