Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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