ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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