Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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