I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize