doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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