The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
