'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
