I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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