If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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