Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize