You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
