I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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