I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
