Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
