okay pat passed out under dana's car
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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