NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
