I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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