So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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