Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
