I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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