If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
