Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
