i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
