kristin has been a bad kristin
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
