i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
