they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
