I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
