You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am midnight drunk by noon
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
