a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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