this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
