I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
