Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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