I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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