why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
