i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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