All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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