You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
