Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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