Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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