Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
where am i from again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
