last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
