my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
