Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
