Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
