We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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