he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
