I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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