the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
