Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
