I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
