well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
