Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
