someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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