Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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