so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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