we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
