dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?