if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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