Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
