dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.