just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
