i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
