Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
