True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
