So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
