I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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