dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
