I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this beer tastes like vomit already
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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