she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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